As the days grow colder, my heart grows heavy, as the memories are harder to contain. They bust forward in my mind in a flash of light, they consume every space available. The detail depicted is ever so bright. I remember the smile, the laugh. Those calloused hands as they taught me things no one else cared enough to teach me. The love and the patience that was passed to me through those hands, still resides in my heart. The lessons and knowledge I gained at the very large feet of him who knew no end to a day, still teaches me every day. Never raising his voice, never raising his hand to me in anger. Ours ways a relationship like no other and one that I miss everyday. My heart aches as the days get shorter and the nights get longer. With the year coming to a close, my mind cranks out these memories more frequently. The pain and love coming back, opening up old hurts anew. Reminding me of a time when I was the center of someone’s world, or thought I was. Then as the pain fades and I get back to today, remembering where I am and what I am doing. I say thank you to the One who matters, because my love is safe and I’ll see those hands and that smile again, I can here that laugh again. As it settles, that peace that surpass all understanding quiets my heart, my tears dry, and I go on with my day.
On December 19, 2013 the man who I thought was invincible and would never leave me, passed away. Because of my faith in Jesus and the fact that before my Papa passed away he assured me that he knew Jesus and had accepted Him, I have that faith and belief that I will see him again. I don’t believe myself or my sister would have been able to survive his passing otherwise. I know that for most families December is a time of celebration, and for the most part it is for us. We have that peace. We also have an ache though, as anyone does who has lost a loved one, and for those who have lost loved ones close to Christmas, a time when families should be coming together, the pain can be even greater and harder to bear.
My heart goes out to those who are spending their first holiday season without a treasured loved one. My prayers are for peace and perserverance. May your memories comfort you in the cold and warm your heart for a brighter future.
May His Son shine on you this Christmas and keep you and yours safe and warm!