Life is never what we plan. I don’t know about for boys, but for girls we spend a lot of our afternoons daydreaming about what our life is going to be like when we grow up. We imagine what our husbands are going to be like, we plan our wedding, we plan what our children are going to look like, what we’re going to name our children, where we’re going to live, we even design on houses. According to what decade we grew up in our wardrobe can be quite immaculate as well. As most of us who are now adults can attest, none of what we planned came true.
If it did, it’s because we try to do it our way and make it come true the way we wanted it and it ended up going the way of a ruptured duck. Kind of like trying to shove a Buick in a dog house. Something’s going to explode and someone’s going to get hurt. Some of us as kids just knew we would be living by our best friend the rest of our lives, and now they live in state away and we only see them once every decade. For others we knew that they would stay married forever because they were high school sweethearts and they are both now on their second marriage.
Our problem is we think we have it all figured out. We think we see all the details. We think we know what everyone wants. We think we know where everyone should be. We need to correct our way of thinking. Because we are not in control of anything. It took me a long time to figure this out. If you’ve read anything I’ve posted before you know I went to counseling. It’s called Celebrate Recovery. Something that we learn there is that we are not in control. God is in control. Yes we have self control, but we struggle with that and we need help with it. Addiction for example, and not just in big areas of alcohol and drugs but video games and tablets, small things like that. Addiction is rampant and self-control is almost non-existent where those things are concerned. So even though we have self control, we don’t exercise it and we still need help with it. So in the end God really is in control. We have to rely on him for all of our strength. Once I realized that, and that I myself also could not control and manipulate other people or their lives, things got a lot easier. I realize that God himself had a better plan for all of us. I needed to see Him and see where he was leading us. Not where I was leading, which was off a short cliff.
Most people don’t realize that they are relying on the person next to them for their strength, confidence, wisdom, encouragement, discernment and even love when in reality the first place we should go for all of that is God. The strain we put on those close to us for those needs can become a heavy burden at times. When you are expecting things out of your loved ones that only the Creator can provide not many relationships can survive it. You may think it sounds mean and if you do then you need to dive into the word a little more because you haven’t grasped the concept yet, but your spouse can’t provide you with all the love you need, nor any other human. Even a group of people fall short of the amount and right kind of love a person needs. You can’t love the people around you till you have the love of Jesus in you heart.
We are selfish by nature. Born selfish little babies, we have to be taught how to love and respect others. To fully love someone the right way we have to be loved the right way first. We have to know and trust that unconditional, never ending, never failing love.
I’ve had a lot of people that I love and trust in my life leave me. I felt abandoned and alone. I’m not talking as an adult I’m talking as a child, at least it started as a child it kept happening as an adult. It has been less frequent in recent years. Growing up someone was always leaving me for one reason or another. Eventually that pain was just an open wound that never healed. It still breaks open and bleeds and I cry. I found looking back through ever thing that Jesus was there every step of the way protecting me. I see stories now of what some little girls go through and I realize how much worse my life could have been, just how much I was protected from.
He never left me. He has never left me. He is still with me. Y’all I ain’t perfect! Those who know me personally know, I can tear up an anvil with a rubber mallet. Yet He’s right there to set another anvil in front of me to say “Try again Holly.” Needless to say I’ve been through a few anvils.
Are you willing to give Him control though? That was the hardest question I had to answer. My biggest fear was that he was going to send me to some Godforsaken country. He didn’t. I married a preacher’s son, who then became the music leader and is now a deacon. Along that path, I got into children’s and women’s ministries. So not quite a foreign country but definitely has the occasional wildling. I love it. Turns out leadership is something I have a knack for. I still get scared at times. While I still do my best to lean on Him for understanding and direction which is not easy with a high dose of ADHD in my system, I make mistakes and people look to me for direction and advice. So if I’m not seeking His Kingdom first, if I’m not in the word, if I am distracted by the everyday hustle and bustle it can go all wrong. I’m still me, and some days I find it hard to believe I’m not that 16 year old snot nose brat driving a beat up mercury around a one red light town with nothing better to do but burn gas in between daylight hours. Yet here I am, and when that thought hits home, I’m amazed every time at how far He has brought me.
It’s not just that but my marriage and family, willingness to turn over those decisions about finances and all the small things. I like being in control, not a very submissive girl here so this was a challenge. I had to realize I can’t see the big picture. Literally. When you get a new book, sometimes there is a map on the inside cover and you can see the whole story there. The characters in the book travel on that map. They can’t see through the forest, they aren’t sure how many leagues it is to the sea. I’ll let you figure out the rest of that analogy.
Going on what I know from the past and everything Jesus has done for us. The crap shoots He has gotten us out of, that were of our own making, why would I not continue to trust Him in every detail of our lives. It’s not easy I won’t lie. I struggled with it every day. I was created this way, I was created to be a strong leader, I’ve learn that as long as I continue to seek Him first then we can stay on the same page, and I won’t get so distracted by what this world says I should be doing.
Thank you for reading, may His Son shine on you and bless you and yours!